Month: April 2012

All my life I was scared to take chances but took them, especially in love, chances which have caused heartache but have given my life much meaning. Those chances made me the person I am today. I am not one to regret anything in my life, but live for the moment. I was blessed with 5 beautiful children with some of those chances I took, I wouldn’t change anything in my life. I know I myself have caused heartache but to change that, I would have to change my heartaches so I hope I was truly forgiven for those I have caused. I never have truly trusted anyone in my life. I have always held back a little just in case, but I think I cheated myself out of ever truly being in love with someone. I’ve been married for almost 11 years and still go by my maiden name. I think I set myself up for failure. I never gave all so how could I have expected all. I never got to know the man who gave me life which may have something to do with it or not. I don’t know. I pray that God has blessed him with love , long life and happiness. I don’t know how much time left I have on this earth but I will live the rest of my days for my children. The great woman who brought me into this world left it almost 19 years ago, that was the worst heartache I’ve experienced all my life, and pray not to ever have to experience any other feeling like it. So reflecting back on all the years of my life I thank God for every person that has touched my life in one way or another. The song The Dance~ Garth Brooks has always been my favorite song since the first time I heard it, which twenty one years ago when I experienced my first heartbreak. I decided long ago to make sure to live my life without any regrets and take chances even if I still didn’t give all I gave all I could and I would do every single thing again. Taking chances maybe hard to do especially after you’ve been hurt once before but take them and give all don’t cheat yourself out of anything, you only live once and you can not take things back even if you do regret them. Love with all you got, live life like there’s no tomorrow, and treasure every single happy moment of your life.

19 years ago my mother suffered a heart attack and 10 days later she passed away. I was 3 months pregnant and this was the worst time in my life. I came home from a night out that night and saw my mom blessing the house she had a ponytail on and I told her she looked cute in it. We went to bed and she forgot to come give me a kiss as she did every night and I told her this and she said she was in bed already and I said I was too, I said jokingly ok well tomorrow don’t forget. Tomorrow never came, she had her heart attack and never regained consciousness and she passed away April 10, 1993 in the wee hours of the morning. I heard the phone call come in telling my dad she had passed. Before that phone call I felt her come to me and kiss me and it felt real not like in a dream. Those ten days I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to heal her completely and let her live and my prayers weren’t answered. It broke my heart she was my hero, she was everything I had. I was 3 months pregnant with my son Aaron Michael Morin and I knew then as I know now he was a blessing that came in to my life because of what was to come. It took years for me to accept the fact that life is about living and dying and that is something that will happen to all of us and at anytime so live for today, always let your loved ones know they are loved, don’t put off for tomorrow things that you can do today, make memories for your children that they can hold dear to their hearts for the rest of their life, don’t waste your time and energy caring for someone that isn’t going to care for you back, when horrible things happen don’t keep asking why because it doesn’t change the fact that it happened it just makes you bitter!!!