I was just a teenager looking for love. All I could find was alot of hurt. Everywhere I turned I saw suffering, Everyplace I went I saw alot of pain. I wasn’t satisfied with what this world had to offer Disappointed with all my ways I prayed to God to help me, help me through this struggle. Help me to be what He wants me to be. Direct me in what He wants me to do. To help me not be afraid of life. So that I can help others. One day my prayers were answered. Someone came into my life. The one and only love. The one and only hope. The one and only dream. No one can be the first love in my life, but the one and only Him. Through His love I found satisfaction. There’s no more hurt in my life ’cause now I have Him. The one and only happiness. The one and only Lord, Jesus Christ.
This was written sometime in high school around 1991 for a poetry contest to be able to go to nationals. I didn’t get to go but the poem was sincere from my heart and at that time I was not lukewarm, I’m not even lukewarm now. Because I have to be either in it 100% or not at all so as not to be a flakey person. Though when I need someone I look to Him, always because I know He’s real.
You were meant for me and I was meant for you. I don’t know who you are and you dont know who I am. One day we will meet and I will know you were who I was waiting for all my life. Every beautiful word I have uttered in silence would have been inspired by you. Every feeling, emotion, desire and thought was for you. If we haven’t met it’s because I wasn’t ready for you or you weren’t ready for me. When the time is right our paths will cross and we will meet. You will complete me and I you. You will be the missing piece to my puzzle and I to yours.
Last night I cried myself to sleep Oh how I wish it would all end. If only I didn’t have to face tomorrow but that’s the coward way out. I caught myself praying asking the one I’ve turned my back on for so long, for help. Oh how easy it would be. God do you hear me? Are you there? I don’t blame you if you’re not. I know it seems like I call on you only when I need something. Somewhere deep deep down I believe. You heard my cry, my cry for help. Cause this morning I should believe I say I don’t trust anyone I know I know I trust you Myr friends may
(I think maybe I wrote this sometime in 1991/1992)
Always be kind to strangers because sometimes people have no control over their words, they don’t even realize they are being rude. They are the ones that need the most understanding and the most patience and most of all deserve to be loved. Our special abilities kids grow up to be adults and they don’t advertise it. So just decide to be kind no matter what. This comes to mind because I think maybe I may have overlooked it at times and reacted negatively when actually I should have ignored.
Why I have to be positive today even when I don’t want to be….well my entire life including my childhood I have suffered from depression. Numerous times I tried to overdose on sleeping pills/tylenol this was as a child. The last time I tried taking my life was when my first born was a baby, I took something over the counter and regretted it and drove myself to the hospital because I knew my son needed me. After that never again did I try it again or did it even cross my mind. My last episode of deep depression was back beginning in 2011 it was the worst it ever got and my husband wasnt supportive and I was ok with him not being but he was also an ass about it too. Even though I was depressed I did go about my every day as nornal or tried at least. Eventually I pulled myself together left my husband and was in a good place. Then my husband would not let me go he continued to try to get me back and well he sweet talked me back…I picked up all my 5 kids again and moved back with my husband to find out within a few weeks he never stopped talking to his whores he was talking to the whole time I went thru my depression and forgave. Thats the moment I lost it, I lost myself, I lost my temper, I lost my mind literally. I went thru a manic episode of everything during that time depression, anxiety and hate I hated my husband during that time with passion…I hated him with my whole heart and my whole life I hated him. But remember I had already picked up yet again my 5 kids and had already marched back home with them so he left for sometime and the hate back and forth between me and him was crazy so crazy my kids had to see it too. There were times I wanted to give up on everything thats the only time I was suicidal again. That was in 2014 then we got back together with all those things we struggled together we picked up and moved to South Dakota in 2016 and I was further from my family and my husband has always put me last on his list of priorities so being alone in a new state it was worse, 2017 passed I was still in a bad place 2018 came and I decided I needed to take care of myself so I could be there for my children so I worked on getting back to my mental and physical state before all of those bad things happened. 2019 came and still no change with my husband so summer 2019 I said eff it Im only giving 5 fucks from now on and thats for my kids and their off spirng. I stopped caring then if my husband put me 1,2 or even last, I didnt care anymore either way. At that moment is when I should have divorced but I didn’t. TO BE CONTINUED
Don’t give up on love no matter how many times it goes wrong. Don’t hold back on loving because the fear of getting hurt. Take a chance on being in love. Love with all you got. I see so many people nowadays put down love, put down being in love, put down that having feelings for someone is a horrible thing. I can’t imagine never being in love. Sometimes you won’t be loved back and that’s ok because it happens but when you’re loved back that will be what made all them wrongs worth it, because had you not taken any chances you wouldn’t have found the one that loved you back. You are never too old to find it either.
Baby, I sent the day your way. Look up to the skies when you open your eyes. It’s a gift from me to you…. The sun is me sending you a kiss. The rain is tears I cry because it’s you I miss. The wind is me hugging you tight. The sunset is me saying goodnight. ❤😘
I haven’t posted since January 20 and then I was having a hard time to post. I started working at the beginning of the year, it wasn’t planned so it has taken time to adjust to something new. At first I felt bad because my previous goal was to post something daily even if no one else but me, myself and I would read it but I had no idea what the future held. I haven’t added the gym back into my daily schedule either but I wil have to add that back soon. It will all come together, it didn’t go as planned and that’s ok because it’s ok to change your plans.